Sunday, November 25, 2007

Magician







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A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, It's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days.Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...

"OK, I give up. Where's the f#ckin' ship?"

Sunday, November 18, 2007

When Gal meets Guy‏

This is an interesting article....

Title: Young and pretty lady wishes to marry a rich guy. Fantastic reply from a financial person

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty


Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me

signed, J.P. Morgan

Saturday, November 10, 2007

US article on investing

Getting rich on a $20,000 salary
This 69-year-old parking-lot attendant used earnings from odd jobs to start investing. Now he coaches others on how they can invest.

Earl Crawley, 69, better known as Mr. Earl, earns $20,000 a year as a parking-lot attendant. But he has amassed a stock portfolio worth more than $500,000.

How did you get started investing?

Soon after I started working for Mercantile Bank in Baltimore 44 years ago, one of the bankers took me aside and told me I didn't have enough education to go very far at the bank. He suggested I invest in stocks.

Where did you get the money?

I did it with good old-fashioned nickels and dimes. My mother taught me how to budget, which made me appreciate how a little money can grow. I saved what I could from odd jobs, such as lawn cutting and window washing, that I did in addition to my day job. I used that money to buy one share of IBM (IBM, news, msgs)stock back in 1981, which cost $400.

How did you learn how to invest?

I really didn't know enough to be scared. In school I was considered a slow learner -- dyslexic, it's called now. My true gift from God is my ability to listen,and that's how I'm able to ask questions and use tips from the brokers, financial planners and bank customers I see every day.

Do you have a formula for picking stocks?

When I first started out, I had to be conservative and take my time because I couldn't afford to lose money.Now I look for companies with stability that pay dividends. I read the stock pages but don't claim to know everything about them. I have a broker, but many times I'll go where my spirit leads me.

Any stocks you're excited about now?

I've been buying shares of ExxonMobil (XOM, news,msgs).

We've heard that you're helping others invest.I started an investment club at my church. And I've been coaching a couple of young men, such as bar-and-grill cook Antawn Davenport and Dana Mouse Smith, who toured with the late rapper Tupac Shakur.They can help spread the message that people can do whatever they set their minds to do.

Crawley was interviewed by David Benjamin for Kiplinger's Personal Finance Magazine.

While house prices were soaring, fueled by low interest rates and risky borrowing practices, wages barely kept pace with inflation.

An Associated Press analysis of new census data provides insight into the reasons for the slumping housing market: Since 1990, homeowners have faced a growing gap between their incomes and the price oftheir homes.

The widening gap in all but a handful of the nation's500 largest cities helped make the recent boom in housing prices unsustainable, according to analysts.The rising prices were fueled largely by low interest rates and risky borrowing, rather than increasing incomes.

"We had an artificial economy," said Brad Geisen,founder of Foreclosure. com, a Web site that lists foreclosure properties. "There was all this wealth created in real estate, and it wasn't really created.

"Nationally, the median household income grew by about 60% from 1990 to 2006, roughly matching inflation. At the same time, the median home value -- the point at which half were more and half were less -- more than doubled, to $185,200.

The gap between incomes and home values was even bigger in many cities. For example, incomes in Miami roughly kept pace within flation -- meaning they were effectively stagnant --while the median home value quadrupled, to $315,900. In places such as Bend, Ore., and North Las Vegas,Nev., incomes about doubled, but home values increased fivefold.

Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody's Economy.com,likened the current housing market to the dot-com boom and bust a few years ago, when stock prices for many high tech companies soared -- before some of them ever turned a profit -- and then crashed."The parallels are quite similar," Zandi said. The Census Bureau today released 2006 housing data forevery state, county, metro area and city with a population of at least 65,000. Income data were released last month.

Together, the figures provide a snapshot of the nation's economy just as housing prices were peaking in many areas. Since then, housing prices have decreased in many markets, fueled by a crisis in the subprime loan market and dwindling credit even forsome wealthier borrowers.

Long-term trends converge
The AP compared the 2006 figures with data from the1990 Census for the 499 cities that were included in both reports, providing an analysis of long-term trends that helped create today's housing slump. The analysis showed that homeowners in nearly every city are spending significantly bigger shares of their incomes on housing costs. From 1990 to 2006, the share spent on housing costs increased in all but 13 of the cities examined. Nationally, the share increased from 21% to nearly 25% for homeowners with a mortgage.

Many of the cities with large increases in home values were fast-growing cities or places with thriving economies. However, there were also large disparities in incomes and home values in some distressed cities,mainly because incomes effectively dropped.

Home ownership rates are among historic highs, at 67.3% nationally. And booming home values have increased wealth for many families, allowing them touse the equity in their homes to take out second and third mortgages to finance home improvements, pay for college or buy automobiles.

Dreams on hold
But many others who bought at the height of the market will have a harder time realizing their financial dreams.

Shawn Talbot and Gerry Woodruff bought a three-story condominium just outside San Diego in 2005, hoping to stay for about three years before trading up to a single-family home.

They were first-time homebuyers, paying $431,000 and financing it with two loans. They didn't have a downpayment, but they hoped the value would increase enough to give them a sizable one for their next house.

That dream is now on hold, as the market value of their condo is in flux. The couple both have good-paying jobs -- Talbot works for a trade association and Woodruff is a financial analyst for an aerospace company. But the median home value in San Diego was $579,000 in 2006, among the most expensive in the country.

"Houses out here are almost like a 401(k)," Talbot said in a telephone interview. "It grows and grows until you get older and you need it.

"But a year or so ago all that changed," she said."I'm not sure we will ever be able to afford a single-family home in San Diego."

Source : msn

Monday, November 5, 2007

Leave Application

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people invarious places of India ..

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it,please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may notreturn, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and anAccountant - Male or Female'...As I am both (!!) for the past several yearsand I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.